Toddler Tip Tuesday- "Give Choices"

So, I'm going to start doing a special article on Tuesdays called Toddler Tips. These tips may be (and often are) rooted in Montessori but sometimes they are just good things to know or think about.

So today's Toddler Tip is:

"Give Choices"

Your baby has become their very own person. They are aware (and ready to vocalize) their likes, dislikes and their opinions on just about everything. One thing that you may notice is that they do not like to hear the word "no". It's probably their least favorite word of all and they don't hesitate to let you know. Tears, screams and even bodily convulsions are on the list of ways they will show their dislike. 

So, do you just stop saying "no"? Well, not exactly, but try to cut down using it by ALOT. There are a couple ways of doing this. The first is to come up with other ways to say "no" such as "danger". Much of the time, the reason we say "no" is due to a safety issue, so teaching your toddler the word "danger" and it's meaning can be incredibly helpful.

The second, and most valuable, way to help save both you and your toddler from the word "no" is to give choices. Your toddler is frustrated by a world that doesn't understand her and that she doesn't understand. In this confusing world she has very little control. Someone decides what she wears, where she goes and even when she goes to bed. Saying "no" is just pouring salt in her wound. So, instead of saying "no", give her a choice. 

If your toddler has decided to throw his cup across the room at company, you can say, "Now, Robert, that was not kind. You can go pick up your cup and say you're sorry OR you can go take some time to yourself in your chair." Giving Robert a choice is empowering him to make a responsible decision about his action. If you had just said "no" or yelled at him, he would feel bad and shameful but would not learn the lesson.

Some notes on giving choices:

-Make sure the choices fit the current state of mind and the circumstances. Putting out two abstract choices while your toddler is sleepy or worn out is not such a great idea and will probably only buy you more issues.

-Stick to what you say. Once you lay out a choice, do not go back on it or change it substantially. You want your toddler to know the boundaries so make them firm.

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